Mommy Learns

I have truly fond memories from growing up in our Michigan neighborhoods. My sisters and I made friends easily with other neighborhood kids and our summers were full of imaginative games and acivities. But I now realize that my suburban childhood failed to provide me with a close connection to nature. No matter how dirty I got playing in the yard all those summers I never learned an appreciation of the real outdoors in wild nature.

We’ve had the awesome opportunity to bring our kids on vacation to some fairly undisturbed land and have let them explore the world the way it exists without human interference. Books and pictures will never be able to teach these children about a painted turtle the way actually finding one in a pond and holding it will. At the age of four my son can name more varieties of fish, birds, insects and plants than I could at the age of twenty four.

I know many people don’t have the same opportunities we do to spend their summers becoming one with nature but it would be nice to see less time spent in suburbia and more time spent in parks or nature preserves experiencing the natural world and not just learning about it through books and movies.

I have to admit that I am a technology addict. I love new gadgets and find myself a bit lost when the power goes out and disconnects me from my tech toys. All that being said, I’m a little apprehensive when it comes to plugging my children in. I know there are a lot of tech driven toys out there that are both educational and fun, yet there are always the trade offs associated with too much media.

So let’s start with the good. G absolutely loves his LeapFrog Leapster system. The games are all educational, which I love, but at the same time are engaging enough for him to actually enjoy. The system is small, so it travels well and makes for a great distraction in the car or in the doctor’s office. G also has a number of computer games he likes including: Clifford Phonics, Reader Rabbit and a number of Scholastic titles. These I turn to less often, but provide some additional benefits besides the skills taught in the game. For one, they teach him basic computing skills. He was hesitant at first using a mouse, but his interest definitely increased once he learned that the cursor movements correlated to the mouse movements. He also learns basic computer navigation. Just yesterday he pointed out that clicking on the ‘x’ will get rid of the window he didn’t want opened. His comfort level with computers now is vital to his success in the ever more computer ubiqutious environment he will grow up in.

Along with these benefits, however, are some negative consequences of technology. For one, when a child becomes immersed in any gaming or computer system they are naturally more cut off from other people. Media and technology have a way of secluding users from the rest of their environment, and with children overexposure to any technology will result in a disconnect between them and their family/friends. Limiting my kid’s exposure to media is simple in some respects. Our kids do not watch TV, for example. This is a simple way to keep that media influence out of our house. I do sometimes rely on the kids toys to help me get things done in the house, but will implement simple time limits. The computer G uses is older, so I know that the battery does not last long. So when he plays a computer game the laptop is unplugged and as soon as it runs out of battery then he is done. This method has the added benefit of distancing me from the time limit, so that G is less likely to get mad at me, and more likely to accept that the computer is done and he has to stop playing.

Another consequence of technology exposure is that it breeds a desire to have the newest and shiniest new tech toys. My kids are still a bit too young for this one, but I know that when they become aware of the newer gaming systems available then their older toys will seem far less interesting. I remember this same desire in myself growing up, and yet I still am unsure how to avoid it, but the time to face this will surely come soon.

Sub-zero weather provides for some beautiful winter sceneries, but I’ve found that those sceneries are best enjoyed from the warm comfort of your living room. The problem is that with two kids there’s only so much you can do to stay entertained while stuck in the house for three days. But, if the roads aren’t too bad, here are some of our favorite ways to get out of the house and have some warm fun elsewhere.

1. Library – Our local library is broken up into a number of different branches, none of which are that far away, and they each have storytime and kids events on different days. Even if there aren’t any specific events going on the kids still love going and picking out their own books. There are also computer games, puzzles and other toys to keep them entertained for enough time to make the trip worth it. The added benefit of the library is that the kids know they need to be quiet, so it helps to ease the noise induced headaches we parents are prone to.

2. Museum – There are few things that can wow a four year old boy more than a natural history museum, especially one with big dinosaur bones. We are fortunate to have just such a museum, that has no required admission fees, and four floors of educational entertainment that even a two year old can enjoy. The personal perk for me: the museum is on the University campus, which boasts a coffee shop on every corner, so each museum trip ends with a coffee and muffin.

3. Y.M.C.A./Gym - This option isn’t as cost effective as the above two, however, the benefits of taking the kids to the YMCA far exceed the monthly membership fees (also, most gyms have financial assistance programs for those who need it). The kids aren’t quite ready to use the treadmills, but fortunately our Y has a great walk in kids pool along with their lap pool. The kids love being in the water, and I love that they are getting all their energy out and getting some exercise. If you are lucky to have a spouse as involved as mine there is also the chance to have one parent in the pool with the kids while the other enjoys some time on the track or workout machines. During their dad’s work hours I’ve also found some good sports/fitness classes to sign the kids up for. Again, these classes get the kids some much needed exercise, while also giving them some time to socialize with other kids.

4. Pottery Decorating – There are a number of different pottery stores that allow you to decorate your own ceramic piece right in the store. They will then take your painted piece and finish it with a glaze and firing. The finished piece is then fully kitchen ready. These stores are, again, not always a cheap option. However, the one-of-a-kind ceramics you create make great gifts for grandparents or other family members. You are also paying for the fun of painting and creating with your kids. I like taking the kids because I’m not the most creative person in the world, so it’s nice to take them somewhere with artistic people on hand to help and they usually have a lot of finished pieces displayed to give inspiration.

5. Public Transportation - If you are fortunate enough to live close to public transportation then taking a ride on the bus can be a really fun experience for the kids. This ride can of course be combined with any of the above options, and also helps to make your outing more environmentally friendly. My kids are both young enough to ride for free, so sometimes riding the bus can be a cheap adventure in and of itself. Unfortunately, you are more restricted by the bus schedule, but even this can help provide some clear departure times to hopefully ease the kids’ whining about heading home.

The hardest part about having a two year old who refuses to go to sleep is the overwhelming jealousy I have towards her. Here she is, at 8:00 PM every night with the opportunity to snuggle up and sleep for a solid 12 hours or more. I would love to sleep that long just once a year, much less every night. And yet she refuses to see the absolute joy there is to be had in dozing calmly off to sleep. She has to make it a miserable war with her on one side and Mom and Dad’s sanity on the other.

I feel like my new mantra these days is “it’s not ideal, but whatever works”. I find myself saying that about nap times, the kids’ dinner choices, cleaning the house, and especially any semblence of my own presentable self. However, lately when it comes to putting Z to bed, not even the un-ideal is working. Our first mode of attack was to just give her a sippy cup of milk in bed and she would fall asleep with that. Then she needed us to sit in there with her after the milk was gone. Then she started waking up two or three times a night, needing one of us to sit with her then too, and brave the perilous walk back out the room. When even that got too hard, I finally just decided to sleep in her room with her once she woke up. First in her bed, but eventually just on the floor next to her. Now that doesn’t even seem to be keeping her asleep. I honestly feel like we are completely out of choices. Letting her scream it out only means she is up for hours getting enormously upset, and driving us insane in the process.

I just wish there as a way for me to impart on her how absolutely fantastic a good night’s sleep is. But since there is not, I guess it’s back to the drawing board to find a new way to get her to fall asleep without making me lose my mind.

It has always just amused me that every time I work at G’s preschool he is always the last one eating at snack time. But as I was thinking more about it today I began to worry that perhaps I haven’t taught him enough about moderation. I’m not exactly known as the Queen of Moderation myself, usually going back for second helpings at dinners and the occasional dessert pig out. Could I be passing on my own inability for self-restraint? I certainly hope not. Perhaps he is just in a growing phase, and needs to eat more. I’m sure everyone else at preschool thinks I don’t feed him enough food. So I’ve tried to think of ways to teach him self control without discouraging him from eating enough to be full.

The one thing we have been trying to instill in him is to try to listen to his body. He doesn’t fully grasp the concept, instead using it as an excuse to try to get what he wants: “My tummy says this food is yucky. It says it wants dessert.” But perhaps if I vocalize how my body feels then it will be a better example of how to react.

The other key I have found is to rely on smaller portions, so that we can all better gauge what we have eaten. I do this with the kids already, making sure that they have small portions on their plates at dinner time, so if they do eat everything they can feel a sense of accomplishment, and even if they want more there is enough of a time delay that they could start to feel full. I am even being better about my own portion control. Of course it always helps when you have smart appliances. I have come to love our new single serve coffee machine, since I can now easily moderate my caffeine intake while not wasting any unused coffee.

In the end it’s not really a bad thing that he eats a lot at snacktime, I just want to make sure he knows to curb his desires when it comes to other cravings.

While driving by a McDonalds today G began asking whether the food they served there was good for you. It was difficult trying to explain to him the infinite number of reasons why, not only is the food not good for you, but it’s also not really food. He then began asking about the healthiness of the other restaurants he could see out the car window as well as the restaurants we frequent as a family. I actually felt kinda proud when he asked if the Farmer’s Market had food that was good for you. Not only does he know what the Market is, but that gave me a perfect chance to explain to him that fresh vegetables (especially locally grown ones) are the best food he could possibly eat, and that is why we belong to a local CSA.

This all reminded me about the numerous books I rely on to give my family the healthiest diet and lifestyle. I include them here as a way to encourage people to look beyond parenting how-to books to find inspiration for ways to raise better and more conscientious kids.

Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian – Let me start out by saying the first thing Bittman does in this book, I am not a vegetarian, nor do I plan on becoming one. That being said, this book is a fantastic way to move away from a predominantely meat based diet. There is a recipe for every fruit, vegetable and grain I have ever heard of, and usually more than one suggestion on ways to change the recipe to suite your tastes. The thing I love the most about this book is that it doesn’t rely on “fake meats” to present really delicious, meatless foods.

Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma – This book gives an eye opening description of where the food we eat comes from. In a non-preachy manner, Pollan discusses the advantages of eating local and organic food. This book really stressed to me the impact our diet choices have not only on our health and the health of our families, but also the environmental impact. Helping my children understand where our food comes has only encouraged them to be more interested in gardening and eating more healthy foods.

Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle – I became a fan of Kingsolver a while ago for her fiction writing. However, this book took her writing in a very different direction. With a message very similar to that of the Omnivore’s Dilemma, Kingsolver recounts her and her family’s experience of living off a purely local diet. I loved the family focus of this book, with writings from Kingsolver, her husband, and her daughter. The books shows just how possible it is to live with a new awareness about what our families eat.

Nancy Clark’s Sports Nutrition Guidebook – This book sort of falls into the how-to category, of which I already stated I wasn’t a big fan. However, what I love about Clark’s approach to nutrition is that it’s based, not on the idea of dieting, but on the necessity to create a more active lifestyle. I’ve found weight loss inspiration for myself (as I’m sure most mother’s would love) and also ways to create a more active lifestyle for my kids.

Another year has begun, and with it comes some much needed personal changes. This site has not received the attention I had originally hoped to give it, so my resolutions shall begin here. This year I want to do things differently in order to make myself a better person, and by doing so, make myself a better mother and wife as well.

The reason I wanted to start a blog in the first place was to have a place to unload my day. I need a place to vent and decompress, and through writing, to help learn from all the experiences that drive me crazy on a daily basis. Realistically I know I won’t be able to write here everyday, but that is at least something I can aim for.

Aside from writing there are a few other resolutions on the list:

• Finish a project before starting a new one. I’ve learned that trying to plow through multiple projects at once only manages to frustrate me and it ends up taking twice as long to finish any of them. So, the current project of painting G’s desk chair (although a trivial project in the great scheme of things) will be completed before any others are started.
• I have to start taking my physical appearance seriously. This isn’t so much about wanting to look attractive and doing my hair and makeup, but more about respecting myself enough to not settle for extra weight gain, blotchy skin, or other things that can easily be changed. By taking a little bit more effort with making myself look and feel better physically then hopefully I will feel better mentally and emotionally as an individual and not just as a mother. This resolution has some much more specific goals attributed to it, such as a specific weight loss plan, but that can all be laid out in more detail later.
• Finally, I need to learn a bit more patience. As the sleep deprivation sets it, it becomes harder and harder to hold back my anger and frustration. But I’ve found that by withholding yelling, although difficult in the moment, makes me feel enormously better overall.

I know new years resolution lists are extremely cliche, and are rarely taken seriously come January 10th, but I’ve never really made a list in the past, so maybe by trying something new this year I may actually achieve some much needed changes in my life.

I love holidays. Growing up in my family was filled with robust traditions for every holiday and birthday. Easter was certainly not an exception. The elaborate egg hunts my mother arranged every year will remain as some of my fondest childhood memories. I loved waking up early and trying to peek down the stairs to see any eggs or chocolate bunnies. Waiting for my siblings to wake and line up at the top of the stairs was always a torturous adventure. But the thrill of the hunt was exciting enough to make any wait bearable, and certainly provided more of a high than the massive amounts of sugar we amassed in our baskets.

One of the major parenting goals I have set for myself is to instill in my children the same strong sense of holiday traditions. Achieving this goal, however, has come with its own challenges. Firstly, as a non-religious family religious holidays can appear problematic. Both of our extended families celebrate the more traditional Christian holidays, so we wanted to be sure our children did not feel left out of either set of family traditions. As a result we choose to celebrate these holidays not as religious celebrations but as cultural ones. After all, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are about as far away from religious symbols as you can get so it doesn’t seem that odd to celebrate a holiday that is already deeply entrenched in the cultural climate.

But speaking of the Easter Bunny and Santa another serious concern we have about holidays is the excessive amounts of lying that parents do on behalf of their children’s traditions. Telling children that a random bunny comes into their house once a year to hide candy filled plastic eggs just seems like a little over the top for me. So we choose a different path by telling our children that the Easter Bunny and Santa (and other holiday tales) are just stories and that we celebrate easter not because of some bunny but as a way to celebrate with family and that mom and dad put on a fun hunt to help this celebration.

Of course it remains to be seen if our manner of celebrating holidays will have any damaging effects on our children, but in the meantime we can enjoy a set of rich traditions with our family while at the same time feeling good about not deceiving our children.

I must have had my angry eyes on today. It was one of those whining and crying-filled days that can drive a parent batty. I spent all day consoling and appeasing, just have to have them both run happy and smiling to Daddy every time he walked in the room. It just doesn’t seem fair sometimes, but don’t mind me, the whining must have rubbed off.

It is pretty sad though, that my children seem to know me better than I know myself. Just as we were in the home stretch tonight, gearing up for a bath and bed, I was confronted by G pleading with me to not keep my eyes like ‘that’ (to which he mimicked what must have been a pretty scary and angry face I was making). Here I thought I had calmed down, the frustration was subsiding as the end of the day was in sight. Apparently that didn’t show on my face.

It was his commenting on my angry eyes that made me smile and make a deal with him that if he stopped whining for the night I could stop making my eyes look like that. It all reminded me of the time he told me to “calm down and take a deep breath” after a particularly frustrating day. He not only listens and remembers all the advice I give him, but he is so observant and sensitive to everyone’s actions and feelings. I think sometimes I could take some cues from him. It will certainly be an interesting ride watching such a sensitive little man grow up.

This weekend was our first trip to the ER. Our son tripped over a pile of unfolded clothes on the floor and hit his forehead on the bookshelf. There are few sights scarier than looking at your child with his face covered in blood. Needless to say the cut was fairly small, but just bad enough to require stitches.

There is one important thing to keep in mind, as a parent, when your child gets hurt, and that is to remain as calm as possible. Children react to your emotions, so freaking out will only make them freak out more. When he got hurt my son was pretty hysterical, which isn’t that uncommon for a three year old. But I was able to sit him on my lap with a washcloth over his injury while his father called to find out where to take him. As long as we were calm (singing songs and telling stories) he relaxed enough so that he wasn’t crying and we could get a pretty good look at the cut.

This being our first real injury, and on a Sunday, we weren’t exactly sure where to take him. It didn’t seem bad enough to necessitate the ER. So we first tried an Urgent Care center. I have to admit I learned my own lesson about staying calm while at the Urgent Care. These people seemed to have no idea how to handle an injured three year old. They thought they could just talk him into sitting still while they numbed his head and then sewed it up. They obviously had never met my son who hates even having lotion put on him. It was a complete disaster watching them try to hold him down (which is when I lost it) and eventually we ended up at the Pediatric ER where they handled it quickly and efficiently, although I’ll probably never forget the sight of his pleading eyes while the doctor put a needle through his skin.

I’m obviously hoping we don’t have to go through that again, but if we do I’m sure the ER will be our first stop, no matter how bad it seems. He is fine now and will have a pretty cool scar to show off for the rest of his life, but I for one still get a bit shaky when I think about how fragile these little bodies are.