I have truly fond memories from growing up in our Michigan neighborhoods. My sisters and I made friends easily with other neighborhood kids and our summers were full of imaginative games and acivities. But I now realize that my suburban childhood failed to provide me with a close connection to nature. No matter how dirty I got playing in the yard all those summers I never learned an appreciation of the real outdoors in wild nature.
We’ve had the awesome opportunity to bring our kids on vacation to some fairly undisturbed land and have let them explore the world the way it exists without human interference. Books and pictures will never be able to teach these children about a painted turtle the way actually finding one in a pond and holding it will. At the age of four my son can name more varieties of fish, birds, insects and plants than I could at the age of twenty four.
I know many people don’t have the same opportunities we do to spend their summers becoming one with nature but it would be nice to see less time spent in suburbia and more time spent in parks or nature preserves experiencing the natural world and not just learning about it through books and movies.
I have to admit that I am a technology addict. I love new gadgets and find myself a bit lost when the power goes out and disconnects me from my tech toys. All that being said, I’m a little apprehensive when it comes to plugging my children in. I know there are a lot of tech driven toys out there that are both educational and fun, yet there are always the trade offs associated with too much media.
So let’s start with the good. G absolutely loves his LeapFrog Leapster system. The games are all educational, which I love, but at the same time are engaging enough for him to actually enjoy. The system is small, so it travels well and makes for a great distraction in the car or in the doctor’s office. G also has a number of computer games he likes including: Clifford Phonics, Reader Rabbit and a number of Scholastic titles. These I turn to less often, but provide some additional benefits besides the skills taught in the game. For one, they teach him basic computing skills. He was hesitant at first using a mouse, but his interest definitely increased once he learned that the cursor movements correlated to the mouse movements. He also learns basic computer navigation. Just yesterday he pointed out that clicking on the ‘x’ will get rid of the window he didn’t want opened. His comfort level with computers now is vital to his success in the ever more computer ubiqutious environment he will grow up in.
Along with these benefits, however, are some negative consequences of technology. For one, when a child becomes immersed in any gaming or computer system they are naturally more cut off from other people. Media and technology have a way of secluding users from the rest of their environment, and with children overexposure to any technology will result in a disconnect between them and their family/friends. Limiting my kid’s exposure to media is simple in some respects. Our kids do not watch TV, for example. This is a simple way to keep that media influence out of our house. I do sometimes rely on the kids toys to help me get things done in the house, but will implement simple time limits. The computer G uses is older, so I know that the battery does not last long. So when he plays a computer game the laptop is unplugged and as soon as it runs out of battery then he is done. This method has the added benefit of distancing me from the time limit, so that G is less likely to get mad at me, and more likely to accept that the computer is done and he has to stop playing.
Another consequence of technology exposure is that it breeds a desire to have the newest and shiniest new tech toys. My kids are still a bit too young for this one, but I know that when they become aware of the newer gaming systems available then their older toys will seem far less interesting. I remember this same desire in myself growing up, and yet I still am unsure how to avoid it, but the time to face this will surely come soon.
Another year has begun, and with it comes some much needed personal changes. This site has not received the attention I had originally hoped to give it, so my resolutions shall begin here. This year I want to do things differently in order to make myself a better person, and by doing so, make myself a better mother and wife as well.
The reason I wanted to start a blog in the first place was to have a place to unload my day. I need a place to vent and decompress, and through writing, to help learn from all the experiences that drive me crazy on a daily basis. Realistically I know I won’t be able to write here everyday, but that is at least something I can aim for.
Aside from writing there are a few other resolutions on the list:
- Finish a project before starting a new one. I’ve learned that trying to plow through multiple projects at once only manages to frustrate me and it ends up taking twice as long to finish any of them. So, the current project of painting G’s desk chair (although a trivial project in the great scheme of things) will be completed before any others are started.
- I have to start taking my physical appearance seriously. This isn’t so much about wanting to look attractive and doing my hair and makeup, but more about respecting myself enough to not settle for extra weight gain, blotchy skin, or other things that can easily be changed. By taking a little bit more effort with making myself look and feel better physically then hopefully I will feel better mentally and emotionally as an individual and not just as a mother. This resolution has some much more specific goals attributed to it, such as a specific weight loss plan, but that can all be laid out in more detail later.
- Finally, I need to learn a bit more patience. As the sleep deprivation sets it, it becomes harder and harder to hold back my anger and frustration. But I’ve found that by withholding yelling, although difficult in the moment, makes me feel enormously better overall.
I know new years resolution lists are extremely cliche, and are rarely taken seriously come January 10th, but I’ve never really made a list in the past, so maybe by trying something new this year I may actually achieve some much needed changes in my life.
I love holidays. Growing up in my family was filled with robust traditions for every holiday and birthday. Easter was certainly not an exception. The elaborate egg hunts my mother arranged every year will remain as some of my fondest childhood memories. I loved waking up early and trying to peek down the stairs to see any eggs or chocolate bunnies. Waiting for my siblings to wake and line up at the top of the stairs was always a torturous adventure. But the thrill of the hunt was exciting enough to make any wait bearable, and certainly provided more of a high than the massive amounts of sugar we amassed in our baskets.
One of the major parenting goals I have set for myself is to instill in my children the same strong sense of holiday traditions. Achieving this goal, however, has come with its own challenges. Firstly, as a non-religious family religious holidays can appear problematic. Both of our extended families celebrate the more traditional Christian holidays, so we wanted to be sure our children did not feel left out of either set of family traditions. As a result we choose to celebrate these holidays not as religious celebrations but as cultural ones. After all, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are about as far away from religious symbols as you can get so it doesn’t seem that odd to celebrate a holiday that is already deeply entrenched in the cultural climate.
But speaking of the Easter Bunny and Santa another serious concern we have about holidays is the excessive amounts of lying that parents do on behalf of their children’s traditions. Telling children that a random bunny comes into their house once a year to hide candy filled plastic eggs just seems like a little over the top for me. So we choose a different path by telling our children that the Easter Bunny and Santa (and other holiday tales) are just stories and that we celebrate easter not because of some bunny but as a way to celebrate with family and that mom and dad put on a fun hunt to help this celebration.
Of course it remains to be seen if our manner of celebrating holidays will have any damaging effects on our children, but in the meantime we can enjoy a set of rich traditions with our family while at the same time feeling good about not deceiving our children.
I must have had my angry eyes on today. It was one of those whining and crying-filled days that can drive a parent batty. I spent all day consoling and appeasing, just have to have them both run happy and smiling to Daddy every time he walked in the room. It just doesn’t seem fair sometimes, but don’t mind me, the whining must have rubbed off.
It is pretty sad though, that my children seem to know me better than I know myself. Just as we were in the home stretch tonight, gearing up for a bath and bed, I was confronted by G pleading with me to not keep my eyes like ‘that’ (to which he mimicked what must have been a pretty scary and angry face I was making). Here I thought I had calmed down, the frustration was subsiding as the end of the day was in sight. Apparently that didn’t show on my face.
It was his commenting on my angry eyes that made me smile and make a deal with him that if he stopped whining for the night I could stop making my eyes look like that. It all reminded me of the time he told me to “calm down and take a deep breath” after a particularly frustrating day. He not only listens and remembers all the advice I give him, but he is so observant and sensitive to everyone’s actions and feelings. I think sometimes I could take some cues from him. It will certainly be an interesting ride watching such a sensitive little man grow up.
This weekend was our first trip to the ER. Our son tripped over a pile of unfolded clothes on the floor and hit his forehead on the bookshelf. There are few sights scarier than looking at your child with his face covered in blood. Needless to say the cut was fairly small, but just bad enough to require stitches.
There is one important thing to keep in mind, as a parent, when your child gets hurt, and that is to remain as calm as possible. Children react to your emotions, so freaking out will only make them freak out more. When he got hurt my son was pretty hysterical, which isn’t that uncommon for a three year old. But I was able to sit him on my lap with a washcloth over his injury while his father called to find out where to take him. As long as we were calm (singing songs and telling stories) he relaxed enough so that he wasn’t crying and we could get a pretty good look at the cut.
This being our first real injury, and on a Sunday, we weren’t exactly sure where to take him. It didn’t seem bad enough to necessitate the ER. So we first tried an Urgent Care center. I have to admit I learned my own lesson about staying calm while at the Urgent Care. These people seemed to have no idea how to handle an injured three year old. They thought they could just talk him into sitting still while they numbed his head and then sewed it up. They obviously had never met my son who hates even having lotion put on him. It was a complete disaster watching them try to hold him down (which is when I lost it) and eventually we ended up at the Pediatric ER where they handled it quickly and efficiently, although I’ll probably never forget the sight of his pleading eyes while the doctor put a needle through his skin.
I’m obviously hoping we don’t have to go through that again, but if we do I’m sure the ER will be our first stop, no matter how bad it seems. He is fine now and will have a pretty cool scar to show off for the rest of his life, but I for one still get a bit shaky when I think about how fragile these little bodies are.
In a communications class I am currently taking we are focusing on what it means to exist in the ‘everyday’. One of the profound realizations we have come to in our discussions is that our everyday lives are ordinary, yet the mundaneness of the everyday is necessary and relevant for analyzing. This may seem like an odd statement, but when placed alongside the life of a mother I think it is even more illuminating.
Often as a parent I struggle to embrace the ordinary-ness of everyday life. Staying at home and doing ‘nothing’ with the kids seems like a waste of a day and detrimental to the always absorbing mind of these impressionable children. Yet I see that this everyday life we lead with our children is essential for them to learn how to recognize the extraordinary events of our lives as well as to live with an appreciation for the ordinary adventures of the day to day.
Our children grow up very quickly, there is little denying that. It is difficult, however, to see much changes from day to day, and without witnessing the changes we can be tempted into thinking that the individual days don’t matter. But I want to stress that everyday can an adventure, no matter how ordinary it is, because children learn and grow from every experience, not just the extraordinary ones.
I always struggle with creative crafts to do with the kids. If there is a creative bone in my body it is probably one of those tiny little inner ear bones, but even that is probably too big to hold all my creative genius. But there are so many days when I strive to do just one creative thing. Most days this urge is driven by the kids. We have managed to amass an enormous collection of craft materials that day after day sits in the cute plastic storage bin I purchased on one of my organizing kicks. But when I sit and look at the mix I am dumbfounded as to what type of crafty projects to do.
So I let my kid cut up paper. My son loves using his kid scissors, and even if he has a pattern to cut out the paper inevitably ends up as confetti all over the kitchen table, the family room floor and often into his sister’s mouth. So today I relented and just let him cut paper up into his classic tiny squares.
But even though today I was ok with letting my son create his own art, I still had the urge to create something myself. I have a project in the basement painting shapes on our walls with chalkboard paint. That project is only half done, but is usually too risky to attempt with the kids running amok. So today I did what any creatively starved person would do, I painted the moulding. I find I need something, anything that I can look at as a completed task; an accomplishment. Parenting is an incredibly rewarding experience, but the day to day accomplishments are hard to notice. So even though its just a little white paint on the walls of our basement, I at least have something quantifiable to show for today.
